Waiting outside the lines....

It was a sudden death, I couldn't believed you're gone and will never be seen forever. It brought me into tears, I swear the whole world stopped! I was deaf, mum, and shocked. I still couldn't believed that as simple as diarrhea will lead you to death. It's been a while since we talked, I was busy and also suffering from depression and fear. I was afraid, you might got mad and throw words which will lead us into fighting   again. I planned to talk to you, and apologize for what I have done wrong and what I have created- the damage, the pain and the insults  you received from me.

I wanna hear you talking and giving me advices , inspires me somehow. Telling me  "I can do it". Telling me life is good- and it is too short to mourn. I wished I could still hear you, I wish I could still see your smile and be filled with your undying great thoughts. Your smile always reminds me to do good. Your kindness lead me into doing it to others as well. You encouraged me to read more books, discover lots of things in this world. And to maximize the goodness of life.


I felt sorry and terrified! Reminiscing our great friendship is all I can do. I wanted to go back to that past and see you again. I couldn't hear your clamor. You left me undone! You left me UN-aware of how friendship should be valued.  I am crying right now, writing this my eyes is full of tears, it's falling slowly but the emotions draws bigger than the whole universe. I don't know what to do.

I wanted to check you out when things are okay, but the news left me in trouble. Woe to myself, woe to that diarrhea! I am blaming myself for this  eerie.

The day is glittering, it sparks, but its shine never gives me glow. It never reflect what happiness is. It never reminds me to smile, now that you are gone. It even lead me into hiding, stay on this dark room. I missed you my ex-lover, I missed  you my dear friend. You are such an amazing person, a person who taught me to fight, a person who opens doors, a person who somehow brought joy into my life. You are unforgettable TED.

I will be missing you forever. You will always special to me!

God Bless Your Soul!