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7/30/2010

Black Thunder part 2: the father and me

| | 13 comments
My life my rules, it is something that i never aimed to have in my life, trying to stand in a distance where nobody wanted to be in there. The heart that is full of pain.


The father:

Most of the children in this world admired their father, for being generous, protective and their great provider in food, money,and love. This is the attitude of an ideal father, a dad and a friend. Somebody who is willing to help to share what he had learned in life and ofcourse someone who will never tolerate you if you did some mistakes. A loving  and a just dad-

Growing up in a remote area is not an easy task or i would life for me. i never dreamed of having a great life, car,expensive gadgets, or studying in a private school. what am i trying to look for is a father figure, a father that would be your refuge during the time that you are weak and can fight no more, but that was just a dream, a dream that i dreamed not to woke up.

Violent,brutal and lazy-  an attitude of a snake, this is how i describe my father to you, inconsiderate,cheater and vehement one. It hurts to have this kind of description of someone you love,someone that you thought a good person. But to lie and deny is not my forte. We suffered a lot of violence from him, i remember the time that he was chasing my mom,carrying his stick that i know would end up moms' life. It was a horrible experienced, sadly he found my mom in the middle of the bush then "punched and kicked" was the reward of  it. She was bloody and catching her breath,crying i thought that my mom we're going to die. Seeing that  demoniac bearing was not easy for me.  The pain and the hatred started to grew, it is like a roaring lion,my emotion was bothered, i am shaking and the innocence was gone. All i have with in me is fear and the hatred that one day i will get back and revenged.

As the days passed, and counting more and more years, sometimes i wished that another day will never showed up, or i will die during the night. Its silence never gave me peace instead it gives me fear, while the wound remained fresh knowing that i takes time to be healed.  An experienced that led me to become more aggressive and violent, at school and in the community where i grew up. Selfish, greedy and close minded person.

Although i excel in school, famous in my words and students we're afraid of me, i remained empty, and no happiness to be found in my heart. I become more aggressive and noisy. I even talked to my principal so damn delirious, so it brought me down. From the position in school and in my grades in Values. I don't care of what am i doing, as long as i express what i feel inside, for me it was my refuge, by telling people that i deserved to gain your respect and you should respect me according to what my life is. Sorry? i had no time for that matter. The pain grew bigger and bigger, and took over the huge part of my happiness. I became immune with my parents cat fights, hellish words  we're my breakfasts, lunch and dinner. My family wasn't totally broken, but that i time i wished it is...

13 comments:

  1. I am sorry to hear that you were not blessed with a good father! But you on the other hand seem to be nothing like him because you seem to be a very kind and intelligent person that cares about the people around him!

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  2. Maggie : i am trying to be good for my life mag.. thanks for that...

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  3. Sorry to hear that too. But I hope no matter how bad your family experience had become, you still love your life according to God's will. Be blessed.

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  4. CaptainRunner : i agree with it.. yup i never had any hatred and regret..

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  5. god bless.. sorry to hear that.. eventually somehow you should be brave and intellegent.. and i know even if i dont know you.. you can..

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  6. Wuy parekoy!

    Aww.. true to life story mo ba to? I am so sorry to hear na matindi ang pinagdaanan nyo ng mom mo sa kamay ng tatay mong [insert devilish word here].

    Lagi ka lang tumawag sa itaas and I know, pakikinggan ka nya. God will never send a burden to weigh us down, without offering his hands to lift us up.

    I know its hard to cheer up, but you could always try.

    God bless!

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  7. Kung ano man ang ngyari sa buhay mo...I am still proud of what you have become now...basta wag mo lang gayahin ang tatay mo ha...

    God bless parekoy!

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  8. that was a very sad and honest post. thank you for sharing.

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  9. thanks for sharing this..iba iba ang ugali ng isang ama..

    ReplyDelete
  10. ronric : i thank you for that words...

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  11. Fiel-kun : thank you parekoy..

    ReplyDelete
  12. jag: salamat din sa kabaitan mo!

    ReplyDelete
  13. orallyours: thank you for visiting my blog.. i will see you..

    ReplyDelete

 
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