It's been 6 years now when I had decided to move out and have life of my own, to see what's next on this life I have. Buckling up myself was  best decision I've ever come up. To move out is like heaven coming out from the hellish place of scrotum sack where dreams remained undiscovered, where fear acted as the core of my daily skirmish. The shining armor on the house not a home is the boss, lawless violence and unpredictable thing to happen as the days unfold. While learning everything, the tricks, coping with fear and to discover  how it's gonna be like being out there, lurking freely. Nerves not shaking to the fear of being scolded or worst would be spank, slap and be tortured.

Your decisions should be followed, your word feared by everyone in the house not a home. No clamor, no blare, those rants should be kept  unsaid and those raves should be hidden in the closet securely. Looking back on those days, I felt unstable and  anytime soon I would  collapsed on the chair where I am sitting right now

"Realization happens when we already into situation where there is no cracked to sneaked out and escaped from the mess which you don't want to be in." 

(The letter of a friend, who confessed he is positive of hiv/aids)

(This post requires deeper analytical thinking. Do not judge, for you not to be judge)

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The very day that I was diagnosed of HIV/AIDS, wasn't the day of my decision to make my life memorable. Yet it was the day to mourn, to cry and shout as if the whole world listens to my clamor, the blare of my mistakes. Which on that day, i wanted to go back on that past and fix the mess, so that i won't have what  am i facing at the present.

Horrendous to think it this way, but i was frustrated to know and depressed. Knowing HIV/AIDS is the most horrific virus which dominates in the entire world and kill millions of people in Africa, USA, Europe and even Asia. Added on that nerve wracking fact was " I am positive." I can't consider my self as normal anymore, from the stigma which i would be getting from people whom i know would mocked and scorned somebody who is battling from this illness. Lastly it is not CURABLE.

Yes, Science accepted their defeat from finding effective medicines, and powerful vaccines to stop this epidemia. How am i supposed to think of myself, and where should i position my self and considered that everything is normal. This mind boggling issue hits my life fatally ill. Asking why Science we're lazies! Why Science boasts  great inventions in things, gadgets,space shuttles,  but the little capsule the tiny vaccines to prevent and cure this terrific virus- they can't do. WTF. Yes, i think as crappy as hell.