Longing to let you stay
begging to stop you from assenting,
bolt blench to fall
running over in this west wide side.


rashes starts to grow
itchy and painful
my face fades like a morning mists
it was then my dreadful ending.

i wanted to blame you
 for blanching linen in the sun
i am afraid to go
annihilation is pursuing me.

i am afraid riffraff
fetch me up in this window of torment
drench me with your  love
let me feel that i am alive.

pour me a heavy dose of  antedote
i don't want to leave in distress

my breath clunk swiftly
saving myself in cruelty
running in this two edged sword
terrified it might be too late i will  be struck...

I was browsing the net when i checked my facebook an  find your name  on it. No hesitations  at all, i  added  you as an online friend. Time  came that we  chat, i was so sarcastic and  felt so high, not knowing your side at all. I guess it is one of my  crappy behavior judging   people  and trying not to listen.  So bad think that i did it to you..

I was so naive again! But  amazing thing was, you  still   treat me as your friend . And that was awesome. Knowing you is chance,  me as your friend   is lucky enough to know you real. I am so greatful  that you shared some time with me,  having coffee and sharing our deepest darkest secret, it was fun  for me. To know that i am lucky enough  to have this thin bud , because you liked thinner guys.. LOL..

I wanted to hug and kiss you, whoa! But i don't wanna to hurt somebody who owns you now. It is like i am making fun of my self. I  believe "what i sow is always what i reaped".  So i am afraid  of  KARMA !!

But if only i have given a chance, this day, whoa, won't  let it pass. But so sad, there would no chance at all. hahahahaha.. I am tryin g to let you feel  i like Kurt, yeah i do, but   facing you, and staring that great eyes, was  such an amazing thing to do. A goofy guy, nice one..

One thing, you forgot  to gave that almond that you been keeping almost 2 weeks now. I  don't know how does it look like this days.. I am planning of meeting you again, this night and i may seduce  you, hahahaha..  I wonder, if you can kiss my lips, as you saw having this weirdo shit allergy (  thanks  for the meds it helps a lot.) But am a good kisser though.. Thats's an asset. So i guess you will enjoy it. LOL..

This is an illusion, the outcome of my derriere  sex life.. So don't take  it seriously.. You have two options: take it or leave it. hahahaha. You better take it.

To close this wet hole, let me say " THANK YOU SO MUCH"  for being nice  and a good friend..

It's been a while, i am trying to make my self  happy and delete every bad memories that makes me sad this year. For the past months, it's been a hard task. A task of making my self happy, beyond the fact that i am not.

I am sad, longing for someone who impossibly cannot be mine.  I felt crazy, i felt i am damn stupid guy who wished for the stars to shine, beyond the fact that it is rainy night.I am looking for a place, to make myself suitable, I am standing on a bridge, thinking about you each day. I wanna shout and let the   world know  how badly needed you now. I am waiting in the dark, wide open eyes. Dreaming that you will knock the door and i will be excited to open it for you. Then, you will smile at me, hug and cuddle me in bed. Oh, how i wished it will happen again.

But that is all my dream. My dream that sucks. My heart that cries for you. I wanna tore this world. I wanna break the silence that hits me everytime i am alone. The annoyance of this night makes me fool. I convinced my self sometimes, that " we can't be together", yes, somehow i find it okay, but i know most of the time, tears coats my eyes and wept. It is stupid to dream, that is is impossible. But it is more stupid if i will pretend that i am happy, and get over on things that i treasured the most but was gone. It sucks.

I am longning for someone, yes i am. I wish you will take me with you, it's a damn cold night. Take me by  your hands and take me with you! But these words will remain unspoken. Wish it will be.

Days passing by now, still thinking all mistakes that I had done to my boy friend. I don't know what I feel. All those lies that I kept on my heart were starting to captures me, I always think bad about my self. Blaming my self of those unfaithfulness that I did to him. It sucks me off everyday.
He never did this to me and I am liar to him. I did promise that I must be faithful and true to him. But now, I lied.

I felt guilty about it, my mind was running after me, and asking me what was the reason why I did it. It bursting inside my heart. I AM UNFAITHFUL! I AM UNFAITHFUL!!

I lied,I lied,I lied,I lied

I lied,I lied,I lied,I lied,I lied,I lied,I lied,I lied

Things were troubling in my mind- I did it! It is my mistake, I wish to tell this to my boyfriend. But I am afraid he will be mad at me, or leave me. Now what should I do?

I have a BIG problem nowadays- it is pretty personal but I won't be shy to tell what is this.
I feel so embarrassed but I don't have any choice but to let this out and find better result or a remedy for this. I think it is bad to tell to anybody- gosh it is!!!

But here I am not afraid of letting you know people, that every time I encounter SEX, never felt the great pleasure, a pleasure that body is looking for. and we know that SEX is very wonderful exercise, but somehow I never felt that extravagant feeling of pleasure.

The word SATISFACION is really strange when I have intercourse, not because my partner in sex were not good enough, or whatever it is. But my mind is looking for something that I used to feel the real pleasure before. Such strange for me,because this just new to me,having this feelings of dis satisfaction. Yes I did cum, but the pleasure which is I am expecting for were lacked. I can feel it,but it is really little compared to what I feel before. I am afraid now, my mind is in confused if I have the sex problem, whoah!! that would be terrible. And everytime I masturbated just for me to reach the climax and be satisfied, is really hard for me to achieved it. That was one of the reason, and I found out why is that so- why is it happening to me.

GOSH- I LOVE SEX and I don't wanna be dis abled when it comes in that matter!!!

i think this one of the most hilarious accident that i ever see. this person was really totally cut and broken, all parts of his body were chop and grated like a cheese. kinda yucky to see, but you can see his flesh were moving. this is one of the lesson that we need to learned- " be careful when you were on the road".

i went home early last night. busy, and tired. but it's okay, as long i can still do it.Dressed up, and then prepare food for my self.. I had waited for 15 minutes to let the food cooked. At last it was okay, and gotta eat now! whoah..
Thanks God i am full, i gathered all messed that i made. I wonder why my kuya still not around, i texted him, where is he. I never find any reply from him. So i decided to sleep and let him open the door when he will be in.

4 am, i was awake, due to some personal necessity, i checked him, on his bed, but i never find him there. I was afraid, might be something wrong was happening to him,i tried to text him again, but so SAD, i don't have the load anymore. Till now, i don't know where is he going.. I am afraid, of what is happening to him, i never receive any text from him.. huhuhu..

Tomorrow would be the time that i will be starting to work as a disc jockey. Now i am afraid of what will gonna happen to my show. Hesitations and fear covers me all the way. I don't know if this show would worked.

Second would be the slot that they have given to me, it is really a big challenge for me on how to convince people to listen to my show. In fact,it's pressure at the same time, the dj who handles it before was really good and I think he does it better.

Now my challenge would be, how can I cope up all, the things that he had done to public. He is such a good DJ. As of me, i don't have any experience yet. I am afraid.
Things were having sex on my mind.

So I will gonna update you tomorrow, of what will gonna happen.

Hoping for someone to love you back is the most tiring phase of life in this world.To make things happen, letting your self to understand some one is hard to do. But when your heart was being caught with the terrible thing called ( LOVE) it will never say never, for the heart demands what someone's needed. Always said that you will always find Love, sometimes always think that you will never fall in love again. It is unbelievable, making a promise not to fall in love again is a damn thing. When heart tells you what to do, no matter how powerful your mind is, it will losen up. No power that would destroy love. And its dignity. It is just that exist. U dont know what love means, nobody would say what is Love in one specific answer, all people has their own definition for love.
Now tell me, do you have a one specific answer: if im gonna ask you WHAT IS LOVE FOR YOU?
Tell me then..