I scratch and see the light

my clamor to be heard 

my battle to find  the light

the echo of my past is hunting me...

the struggle to live normal

the fight to stay formal

the trick to remain jovial

but the death is fatal...

respond, respond as the phone rang

no sound of grace and love

panting in pain, ranting to be found

my love has nowhere to be found...

where is the passion for love

the promise to care

the vow to stay with me

where are you in this darkest room i am....

I am waiting in this borrowed time,
Wishing you will come;
The heart is pounding in pain and pressure,
You might leave and stay away...


What if I have to move on,
Taking chance on going away;
Empty heart and empty spaces beyond,
Foot prints of my heart's undone...

It's a living sacrifice to love-
Shedding tears and crying out;
For hear from you and see the smile,
My tons of tears run dry...

I am inlove a far cry from,
the "Karma"  from all I've done;
Bunch is more to come,
To test my faith on staying long...

I made this poem to show how i feel right now. How my heart pumps and giving love to someone who deserved not. But my heart beats fast and it's for him. I'm in pain. I'm tired. Yet my heart commands me to love him, whether he will spare me with love or not. It hurts. May this poem will kick my ass and slap my face..

It feels like very day is a whirlwind day,
Everybody mourn, inside and out,
Love seems inevitable in this place;
Death and selfishness we can grasp...

Looking back on the peacefulness i dreamt,
The stillness of the night i wished
The flickering lights of joy has gone
 I can see it no more- but tears...  

Now tears and grudge rampant
Greediness and hunger hovers
Where love is impossible to bear
Sadness and tremor all i can see...

The sun  shines no more
Love sparks no more
Pray is all i can do
Have faith is all believed...

I pray that you will be safe,
I pray that there will be better days to come
I pray that peace will take over
I pray that you will pray.....

The vivid color of autumn
And the vast collection of a morning mists
Drops in a thirsty city of life
that every crack close like satisfied baby....

insignificance it may  think
the era of every generation
qualms and clamor all will be heard
on riffraff whose hearts' bleed....

the tweet of a little yellow bird
the clanking sound of an approaching train
the sound of a new born son
is a marked of a new born plan.....

an old days had passed
but to reminisce is a choice
on a ruined happiness was
or the achievement's flashed...

the black zigzag road
the spark of a neon light
antique number and stains
are the picture of the untold skirmish.....

every emotions draws from your eyes
from pain or to happiness i see
every details of life you had
from bondage life to free....

eyes is your mirror, red or white
lens that see through with in you
lashes that shows determination
in every deadly evil  obstruction....

sight that see visions
views that catches clear and wide
points to points, destiny to destiny
a battle of staring, you will see...

shows love, fear and depressions
tiredness and lonesome i feel
revealed in this eyes of giants,
from simple feeling to drastic ending...

clearer the more i grasped
visions of pain and gain
from winner to loser
to stronger and weaker....

my eye is a stumbling block
from every details i am hiding
you will find the answers
by just closely staring...


what am i gonna choose?
if i will be in distress you will see
or in happiness that i am free
sealed and unsealed you can be......

A sweet little talk of love
A conversation that is pure
A much awaited topic of life
To conquer the peaceful night in dreams...

Loud and clear my vision  for fate
A destiny with bounty lessons
To learned and apply in life
To gain, care and share.....

No more tears, no more sadness
Happiness is all i obtained
From the east which i blare
To west which i spare....

The lonely night no more
The sparks of smiles i wish for
The rhythm of love and adoration
My wonderful life's compilation...

In time of loneliness, there is fun;
Deep with in your suffering
lies the beauty of your dreams,
Love and care will soon happen together...


If you feel tired and blue
look up to the sky
stare the free comets and fireflies
close your eyes and we will fly....


Feel free to dream,
like you've never dream before,
Laugh and yell and ring the bell
think of something that will make everything...

Love is the answer of failure
Failure is just in mind
think of success, live free
Live according to what you believe..

In hopeless times i am here
In  distress, let your mind fly
In pain let your heart spread
Love and love again and again...


Feel the spirit of life
shine like the stars in heaven
Spread your wings
Live life to the fullest...

Question :

Something about love, but rejected
For you who is alone and undone
Helpless and depressed of something
Thinking life is worthless.......


Something about fulfillment, but failure
Blurry dreams and a blind passion
A dead investment of  love
Compassion finds no room....

Something about family, but broken
United we stand,but broken when we fall
Thirst and hunger take over
For love and care is all been wishing...


The room of  hope and freedom
Until when the suffering lasts
Until when the emptiness reign
For this life that is full of vain........

Answer :

The battle of life is not for great
nor to the strongest  man
the harder the better it would take
the fulfillment of life is happiness....


To you who is rejected in love
Find no room to be loved
To love yourself has a mansion for it
Because to love is to live....


Life is not for people who succeed
Game is not for people who are better
To win in the game is senseless
If you don't have the effort from doing it.......

The battle is for the unqualified
For people who thinks it's impossible
To you who think cannot make it
To me who failed and depressed...

Think to quit not, chance will come
Luck will drop by, and will make you smile
Success will happen all at once
And it will make you a man............

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

It was already too late to celebrate the birthday of my Blog. Actually its birthday was july 26, but then i am not in the mood of celebrating it. So i wasn't able to do the plans which i made way back.

At this moment, making this award i was in the middle of trouble, i went home late and the battery of my phone was empty, i don't know what to do, lurking and finding some resting place to let my eyes relaxed. It is actually my fault, because i didn't went home early,so right now, i am really sleepy tired, so i just went to this cafe and trying to think what else can i do, to wait til the morning comes. It is hard to wait actually. Instead of lurking i better stay at one place then surf. Chat, read, listening to music is all i have now, i felt so damned sad, it feels like i am a prisoner, "hows its gonna be like one"..

So guys i want you kknow that i will be giving YOU  an aaward thar i made. It is special, it talks about friendship as you can see. Just copy and paste it on your web page too, or you can also do some posting thingy on this award. It is up to you.

To you

Jag, feil-kun, Arvin, Angels' little secret, ayu, I am Xprosaic, Glentot, Night Crawler, benh, An_ indecent mind, ced, Daij, Maggie, Sendo,  Lion heart, Angie, Donster, Life, love and lust, D,  Jepoy ......

and many more who drop and write their comments on this blog you can copy and paste this on your blog.. thank you so much!!

thank you so much................

my heart is burning in pain
wanted to escape from depression
weary and bloody inside
nobody knows how it's gonna be like...


love has no boundaries
worries took over
the beat palpitates
slowly goin' farther...

craving for new life
hoping for a new hope
live like a wood in the lake
no heart, no direction....

a human nature to be sad
sad of nothing, but banging inside
shaking my whole
leaving me empty....

where the heart remains' speechless
where the emotions' stagnant
a gypsy who dreamed to be good
till dawn he had waited for one....

i am a dreamer but has no dreams
a lover but has no love
a survivor but disgorge
meaningless poem would be this...

"sometimes competition doesn't really challenge us, it only lead into depression if we can't get what we wanted to have"

i can't make  poems anymore
my hands stops from typing
every track resounds back and forth
your glimpse has gone....


somebody owns you now my heart is in pain
impossible to touched you again
my plans shrink, can no longer roll
too late it may consider,and tears wrapped all over


i wanted to get you from that refuge
to let you know, how i feel
praying to have you not in vain
but "amour" you are in frame


i am conqueror, at heart i am fool
knight and able bodied spirit
places and realm i am brave
seiging your heart leave me undone

"amour" may that refuge will last
guiding you till at last
i hope, forever his love remains
gratified to see you in framed, even i am in vain....

"vous serez toujours mon amour dame"

Longing to let you stay
begging to stop you from assenting,
bolt blench to fall
running over in this west wide side.


rashes starts to grow
itchy and painful
my face fades like a morning mists
it was then my dreadful ending.

i wanted to blame you
 for blanching linen in the sun
i am afraid to go
annihilation is pursuing me.

i am afraid riffraff
fetch me up in this window of torment
drench me with your  love
let me feel that i am alive.

pour me a heavy dose of  antedote
i don't want to leave in distress

my breath clunk swiftly
saving myself in cruelty
running in this two edged sword
terrified it might be too late i will  be struck...

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will
when the road your trudging seems all up hill....

when funds are low, and debts are high
and you want to smile, but you have to sigh....

when care is pressing you, down a bit
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.....

life queer with its twists and turns
as everyone of us sometimes learns....

and many failures turns about
when he might have won had he stuck it out....

don't give up though the pace seems slow
you may succeed with another blow......

success is failure turned  inside out
the silver tint of the  clouds of doubt.....

and you never can tell how close you are
it maybe near when it seems so far:

so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when  things seem  worst that you must not quit....

Shakey but happy,
shapeless but molded;
crying but in happiness,
crawling but with gladness....


life is mirror of one self,
a facade of dreams
a letter of tomorrow;
and a fulfillment of goals.....

life is the illusion of magician,
interpretation of   pie in the sky;
swaying in this journey
and the fruit of  the undying labor....

the stone that shines, but fades
erruption of every nub,
makes the world creepy;
stained wire and old ones passed....

lonely streets  wearing black
you can't hear the blare
nor the sounds of clamor
but look up and feel the beat....

what a silly thoughts
in this witless yak,
hearing your bawl;
but there always logic in everything....


look up, see the sky
the regression is phenomenal,
the astounding views of tomorrow;
remains with in you...

" try to understand what it means"

How many times i have told you,
how many times do i need to say this;
"love  is greater than anything to have,"
it is wonderfully made by God for human...



It is hard to ponder, but lucky to have it,
Mysterious yet it is widely open for public;
Secret but cannot be hidden,
it is  the light of the lost and the life of humanity.....

How long will you persecute me?
How long will you say " i am not good";
How long will  you say "love hurts",

Truly i never harmed you nor to anybody.......

I have given you mind and heart to choose,
I never tried to hurt but to make you happy;
Dreaming of making you the happiest one in this world,
but  because of me, your life ruined...

Now you are blaming me,
Blaming of the mistakes that i didn't do;
Creeping, crawling, struggling to survived,
I don't want to call my self "guilty"........

But when i see you crying,
It always led into that conclusion;
I am  "LOVE"  can't take hurting "you"
I am sincere and loving.....

i wish you we're here.. 
holding my hands, touching your lips..
celebrating the moments that we dreamed of..
making the best out of it...




trees are swaying in gladness..
oceans' hands were bouncing...
the blue carpet shines...
the spirit of love reigns...


strolling in this wide open space
with an open hand,looking up to the stars....
wishing to see your face...

tapping your smooth and tiny fingers...


i wish you we're here....
sitting beside me, keeping you safe
dreaming together, to love and to live..
take care, where ever you are......

I choose to live, then it is compulsory to strive.
I choose to fight, then there would be no room for hiding...
I choose to speak, then i should say something.
I choose to dreamed the dreams, then i must achieve something..

Life is congested with traps and weaknesses.
Life is difficult to control, every area is full.
The world is rude,violent and barbaric.
There is no way to hide, instead facing it is the solution.

Until when are you going to hide?
Until when are you going to cry?
Until when are you going to be depressed?
Until when my friend?

Hope is not the question.
Freedom is here, but your gone.
Which way to go, your decision is needed.
Speak up, and live freely..

To die is a choice, but the harder the battle the sweeter the life.
After all, it is not what happens to you that will matters..
It is how you faced  and win it.
Live free, life is great if  you have it...

Your love fades like a morning mists
your smile blanch like a colorful rainbow,
A little facet of dream has  already gone;
Your vow was broken, a dull piece...


The world is quaking in pain
Every heart peered with blood in the eyes,
I can see the gripe, and I can feel the destitution;
I see no kingdom, nor your promised paradise...

I am shaking in this lonely room
In pain, injured and disabled,
Every eyes  chew over;
I am afraid, look at these tears...

Life vanished like an ocean wood
A crack starts to grow, and it is dreadful,
My heart numb, and  i can feel nothing;
Where are you, I am waiting...

Begging to dry my tears
Craving for your hug,
In this emptiness, fill me with your  love;
I will be waiting till this vision gone...