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Funny Tweets!

Well I got cheesy and funny tweets from, it's randomly chosen to have the best of the best. So start laughing!

I've copied these tweets below from Twitter. Hope y'all like it.

Think of a number between 0 and 20, add 32 to it, multiple by 2, subtract 1. Now close your eyes. It's dark isn't it?

Sitting at Home: "Oh it's raining. Cool."
Sitting at School: "HOLY CRAP IT'S RAINING! LOOK!"

I have live through death of Michael Jackson, first black president, Royal Weeding and Osama's death. My life's a f**king history book.

"No body listens to me." - Yellow Traffic Light.

The awkward moment when you're taking off your jeans and your underwear decides to come off too.

I hate that feeling when you close you're eyes to apply shampoo and get paranoid that someone will kill you in the shower.

When people come over and your mom suddenly becomes the nicest woman in the world.

When I call my parents and they don't answer it's no big deal but when they call me and I don't answer, it's like World War III.

That stupid ass run you do when you're crossing the road.

The best way to make people remember you? Borrow money from them.

Me: "Why am I still single?"
Brain: "You're weird as crap."
Body: "You're fat."
Face: "You're pretty ugly too."
Food: "Don't worry, I'm here for you."

When I drop my phone, I act like I've dropped a new born baby.

When God asks what you've done with your life, try not to say: "Didn't You read my tweets?"

Things I do when I have to study:
1% study.
99% tell people I have to study.

Make love not war. Condoms are cheaper than guns.

Dora: "What was your favorite part?"
Me: "Well, I like the part wh..."
Dora: "I liked that part too."
Me: "Bitch, I wasn't done!"

Teacher: "The test is very easy."
Me: "Sure it is, bitch. You already know the answers."

Me: "Mom, I'm going out."
Mom: "With friends?"
Me: "No Mom, with Terrorists."

Whenever I kill a spider or any type of bugs, I always think it's family or friends are going to come after me for revenge.

Dear Maths,
We have already so much problems in our life, so why don't you go and solve your own problems?
Sincerely sick of finding your X.


  1. make love not war condoms are cheaper than collection.

  2. tama make love not war.....maisip kya iyan ng mga rebelde...


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